Shaw Read online

“No. I mean my screw-up left her dead.”

  Gabe went very still. “You’re talking about your sister.”

  One drunken night, not long after Gabe had lost his twin brother Zeke in a fight against the raptors, Shaw had spilled about Krista.

  “Her death is on your drunken piece-of-shit father, not you.”

  “I escaped that house, joined the Army.” Shaw lost his taste for his beer and set it down at the base of the tree. “I promised her I’d be back to get her out.” Instead, he’d joined the SAS and he’d fucking loved it. “I was away from him, his fists, his words, his poison. And dammit, I was good at something. Every time I held my rifle, put my eye on the scope, I felt useful, successful. By the time I finally planned to go back for Krista…” Even after all these years, the memories were like daggers to the skin.

  “Not your fault.”

  “He beat her to death, Gabe. She was fifteen.” He’d screwed up, hadn’t protected her.

  “Still not your fault. I know how it feels to second-guess yourself. Your decisions, your actions. Maybe if I was faster, smarter…Zeke would still be alive.”

  “Jesus, Gabe, there was nothing you could have done.”

  “I know that now. You need to know it, too. Pretty sure your sister didn’t want you to hold yourself back from someone you cared about because of her death.” The silence lay between them for a second. Then Gabe thumped a hand against Shaw’s back. “We could all be gone tomorrow. I’m gonna fight to survive, to hold on to my woman. You should do the same.”

  “What if I screw up?” Shaw murmured. The true crux of what was eating at him.

  “You going to cheat on her?”

  “No!”

  “Then make your decision and man up, Baird.” Gabe melted back into the shadows.

  Shaw stood there a moment longer. He wanted Claudia, and she wanted him. For two tough soldiers they were sure letting their individual fears screw things up for them.

  Hell, even Gabe Jackson was giving him relationship advice. Apparently, the apocalypse really had hit.

  Shaw took a deep breath.

  Time to claim his woman.

  ***

  Claudia waded out into the cold water of the river. Against her naked skin, it was brisk, but invigorating. The weather was getting warmer as summer approached, but the mountain rivers always stayed cool.

  A rash of goosebumps prickled her skin, but she liked that the cold water washed away the grime of fighting, and the chilly temperature kept her thoughts at bay.

  She wouldn’t, couldn’t, think about Shaw right now. Not his kisses, not the taste and feel of him, his laugh, or the cheeky glint in his eyes. She ducked her head under. If he was going to worm into her thoughts, she should think of him back at the campfire smiling at all the up-for-a-good-time young things flitting around him.

  She brushed her wet hair back. She rarely left her hair loose. It was too damn long and thick. Now it covered her shoulders and she worked through the strands. It wasn’t Shaw’s fault the ladies loved him. He was easy on the eyes, funny, charming. And a hell of a soldier. He made people feel safe.

  Claudia sank down in the water. She could still hear the chatter from the party, and the odd burst of laughter. Dark thoughts crept in. Who was he laughing with right now? Who had he had fun with earlier, while she was sweating through her therapy? Claudia made a frustrated sound and dived under the water.

  All those horrible thoughts were replaced by one thing—the desolate feeling she’d felt when she’d thought he’d been taken by the raptor flames.

  During the entire time she’d hung in the Huntsman’s chains, she’d wished she’d kissed Shaw, touched him, taken him. God. She stared up at the full moon, visible overhead. She was being a coward, she knew it. But if Shaw crushed her the way Brad had, she might never recover.

  A sound made her spin, treading water to stay afloat. She saw a tall shadow of a man on the riverbank, pulling his shirt over his head. Even in the dark, she recognized his tall, lanky form. When his hands went to the waistband of his trousers, it spurred her into action.

  “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” She swam toward the edge.

  “Something I should have done a long time ago.”

  His fierce tone made her pause. Shaw was all about the jokes and an easy laugh, not this dark intensity. When he strode into the water, she froze. Dammit, sometimes he destroyed her equilibrium. If another man pissed her off, she wouldn’t hesitate to blast him for it. This one…he could twist her up in knots without even trying.

  “And what the hell is that?” she demanded.

  “Show the woman I want so much that it is driving me insane just how much I need her. And get her to admit she wants me, too.” He strode into the water. “Hell, this is colder than a polar bear’s balls.”

  “If you can’t handle it, I’m sure there are plenty of soldier bunnies back at the campfire who’ll be happy to warm you up.”

  “Yep,” he agreed. “Nice, uncomplicated women who know how to enjoy themselves.”

  His words stung. “So go.”

  “No.”

  “I thought you’d have had enough fun this afternoon with whoever kept you company.” Ugh, the acid was there for him to hear.

  He lunged through the water so fast, she gasped. Claudia managed to turn, to kick once, but strong arms wrapped around her and she was dragged back against a naked body.

  Hot breath brushed her ear. “All I did today was think of you.”

  “Whatever.”

  “I bloody well sat in a tree and watched you finish your therapy.”

  She closed her eyes. He’d watched over her. Why couldn’t he just be the easygoing, carefree guy he showed the world? And why could she see beneath to the real man?

  His lips brushed the side of her neck. “I knew within days of meeting you that you’d crawl under my skin. I subconsciously did everything I could to keep that from happening.” His hands clamped on her hips, then one palm slid across her belly.

  Claudia fought to find her voice. His naked body pressed against hers was a hell of a distraction. “It doesn’t change anything. You’re still you. You’ll get tired, want some different flavor. I’m not soft, or easy. I don’t primp. I—”

  He spun her. There was just enough light to make out his face, his eyes. “I am not your fucking ex.”

  Claudia went stiff as a board. “Emerson shouldn’t—”

  “Gabe told me. Not the details. Just that you married a dirtbag and he cheated on you.”

  “He was a doctor. A young, handsome, charming man who loved women.”

  “I am not him, Claudia. It isn’t fair to judge me based on some asshole—”

  “Shaw, he almost broke me.” She kept her voice matter-of-fact. “I let him try and turn me into some suburban housewife, who baked and did lunch. Who cared about clothes and makeup.” A harsh laugh. “There are women who are like that, who are good at it. I wasn’t one of them. But for him, I tried to change.”

  Shaw’s hands slid up to cup her jaw. “I like you as you are, Claudia. Badass angles and sharp edges included.”

  God, she could see he meant it…and it weakened her resolve. “For now,” she whispered hoarsely. “Brad liked them too…at first.”

  “Do not fucking say his name.”

  But everything came rushing out of her. “I came home early one day, and found him with an eighteen-year-old student nurse. They were doing it doggy style in our kitchen.”

  Shaw made a dangerous noise. “That sucks.”

  “She wasn’t the first.” Claudia felt the hot ball of pain she kept hidden swelling.

  “It’s in the past. I’m asking you to take a chance on something that…shit, I just feel like we have something, something important.”

  “It wasn’t just me he hurt. I was eight weeks pregnant.” She heard him draw a sharp breath. “I lost the baby.”

  Chapter Ten

  Claudia couldn’t believe she’d told him. She battled
back the pain. Shaw cursed, his arms closing around her. She sank into him, her face against the lean strength of his chest.

  “I’m sorry,” he murmured.

  “I wanted the baby, but that flicker of life was gone in a flash. I divorced him, and two weeks later, joined the Army.”

  “Hell, Claudia. If the bastard was still alive, I’d beat him up for you.”

  “Know why I joined the Army?”

  He shook his head.

  “So I could legally plant a bullet between the eyes of asshole scum.”

  Shaw winced. “Well, you’re damn good at it.” There was silence, except for the quiet babble of the water. “I’m sorry that he hurt you…but I am not him.”

  “I know…but I’m in charge of my life and I never want to feel that way again.”

  She saw something snap in Shaw’s face. “Dammit, you are not a coward, Claudia.”

  Her own anger welled. “No, I’m not. But I’m not stupid, either.”

  “God, you are so stubborn.”

  She pushed against his chest. “And you are so damned arrogant.” She fought against his hold.

  He muttered under his breath and started pulling her toward the shore.

  “I knew this would happen,” he muttered. “You’d claw in under my skin, get in my goddamned blood. I was right. You’re like a bad itch.”

  Out of the water now, the cool air making her skin cold but her anger keeping her hot inside, she spun to face him, not giving a damn that she was naked. “So go.” She flung out her arm. “For the love of God, go.”

  “I will.” He stomped over to his clothes and yanked on his trousers.

  Claudia pulled her T-shirt over her head. She’d had her quota of annoying men for the day.

  “I should never have bothered with this,” he said. “Easy, light, fun, that’s what I like.”

  She sneered. “Yes, we all know that’s what you’re best at.”

  He snapped his belt closed. “Yeah. I learned that the hard way. Because if I care more than that, I fuck up.”

  Claudia froze with her hands on her trousers. The raw pain in his voice dug into her like bullets. She told herself to stay quiet, let him walk away and let this spark between them die.

  But this was Shaw.

  She turned slowly. “What are you talking about?” Who was he talking about?

  “Nothing.” He turned his back to her, snatching up his shirt.

  Claudia stared at that smooth expanse of back and wanted to touch him.

  She couldn’t let him walk away without finding out what put that desolate heartache in his voice. “Shaw, talk to me.”

  He turned and shoved a hand through his shaggy hair. “It’s nothing. It’s in the past. I’m taking a page out of your book. The past taught you to avoid—” he spread his arms wide “—guys like me. Mine taught me not to care too deeply. You know what, you’re right to steer clear of me. I’m not really great at keeping my promises. That’s why I usually avoid making them.”

  He turned and walked away.

  Claudia stood there, frozen. “Who? Who did you lose?”

  Shaw stopped, was quiet for a moment.

  “My sister. My drunken loser of a father beat her to death while I was in SAS training.”

  Claudia closed her eyes.

  “I promised her I’d come back for her. I can still remember the tears in her eyes when I left. Then I got so busy enjoying life away from the asshole who yelled at us, beat us, treated us like shit…and I left her there. So you’re probably right not to take a chance on me.”

  Claudia didn’t think, she acted on instinct. She rushed in front of him and pressed her hands to his chest. “I’m so sorry, Shaw.”

  He lifted his chin but avoided meeting her gaze.

  “What was her name?”

  “Krista.”

  “Pretty. But you didn’t hurt her. Your father did.”

  “I failed her.” Shaw hissed in a breath. “She was waiting for me…and I knew better than anyone what he was like. Hell, he’d given me enough black eyes, broken ribs and bruises in my lifetime. I left her there.”

  “She was a minor. No one was going to let a teen in the Army take custody of a child.” Claudia laid her palm flat over the rapid thump of his beating heart. “Where was your mother?”

  “Dead. Died when Krista was a baby.”

  “It wasn’t your fault, Shaw,” Claudia said.

  His face went hard and he grabbed her wrists. “You can’t have it both fucking ways, Claudia. You want to be close, to be my friend, but you won’t let me touch you. I…look, I need some space.” He pushed her away.

  Claudia felt like she was standing on a very high edge. She had the same feeling she got when she was at the open door of a Hawk, about to leap out on a new mission.

  “You can’t claim the blame for her death,” Claudia said.

  “But I can for what your ex did?”

  She sucked in a breath. Was that what she was doing? Taking her pain out on Shaw? Letting Brad still rule her life today?

  God, she was an idiot. “You’re right.”

  His gaze narrowed on her.

  She nodded. “I was wrong not to trust you completely. I know you show the world the easy, charming Shaw, but I see the real you every time we go on a mission. You make promises to those people—” she stabbed a finger toward the camp “—every day when you go out there to fight for them, protect them. You make a promise to all of us on your squad. And you’ve never let us down. Not once.”

  Something flared in his eyes. “And where does that leave us, Frost?”

  Something quivered in her belly. “I…God, I don’t know.” It wasn’t easy to shed years of resentment and fear in a moment, even when you knew it was wrong to hold onto it.

  His gaze changed, turned predatory. “How about we solve this the way we know best?”

  Claudia felt the hairs on the back of her neck rise. “I’m listening.”

  “We fight it out.”

  “What?”

  Shaw rubbed his hands together. “We have a little battle. You win, I’ll go. I’ll be your friend and nothing else. I’ll never bring this up again and you don’t have to risk that heart you’ve locked up so tight.”

  That heart knocked against her ribs. “And if you win?”

  A slow smile spread across his handsome face. “I get you. All of you. Any way I want.”

  It was a challenge, pure and simple. And hell, Claudia had always had a competitive spirit. “Rules?” God, she couldn’t really be contemplating this?

  “No weapons. Other than that…there are none. I’ll give you a three-minute head start. The forest is our battlefield. Whoever takes the other one down first, wins.”

  Her blood charged and she stood there watching him. “You’re on, Baird.”

  “Run,” he said.

  Claudia turned and sprinted into the forest.

  The scary thing was…she didn’t know if she wanted to win…or lose.

  ***

  Shaw jogged through the shadow-soaked forest. His blood was pumping, adrenaline spiking. He felt like he was headed out on a mission…but this one was the most important one of all.

  This was his chance. To claim Claudia and make her face what was between them once and for all…or he could lose her completely.

  Damn, he wished he had his night vision lens. In the moonlight, he could barely make out the signs of her passing through here. He crouched and touched a broken twig and torn leaves. She was running straight and fast. Not subtle, his girl.

  He kept moving and a moment later the trail…stopped.

  His hindbrain flared. Trap. Fuck.

  He was already turning, but a weight slammed into his back driving him to the ground.

  Instantly, he rolled.

  She sprang off him and sprinted away.

  Shaw was up and moving, too. A second later, he ducked down behind a tree with a large trunk and thick bushes at its base.

  Dammit, she was tri
ckier than he’d given her credit for. He paused, listening for any sound that might give her away. Yeah, his badass girl had cunning. He knew that. He’d fought beside her a thousand times before, and seen her in action.

  He was tempted to move, but Shaw let himself fall into sniper mode. He slowed his breathing, opened his senses and stayed still. He waited for movement, for any tell of where she might be. He’d been an edgy, troubled kid, always on the move, so it had come as a hell of a surprise to discover that he had a deep well of patience. It had taken his Army instructors to find it. And using that skill, they’d honed him into a hell of a sniper.

  He sensed movement off to the left. Hunched over, he sprinted to the spot, only to find…nothing. He squinted at the ground, and spotted a small trap. A shallow hole covered in sticks and leaves. Not deep enough to injure him, just enough to send him falling.

  Making him an easy target.

  Sneaky.

  Well, he could be sneaky, too. He took a slow, deep breath, then took a few more steps closer to the trap.

  He pretended to trip, windmilling his arms and cursing.

  Claudia attacked.

  She came out of the darkness like a damned lioness. But Shaw was ready.

  He grabbed her, and the momentum sent them skidding across the ground. Twigs and leaves bit into his bare back but he was already rolling. When a larger rock jammed hard into his shoulder blade, he cursed.

  Claudia muttered a few curses of her own.

  She exploded into action in his arms, and he felt a hard fist jab into his side. After a minute of struggling, feeling the flex of her muscles against his, he finally succeeded in getting her under him.

  He pressed his knees into her sides and slammed her arms above her head. It took most of his strength to keep her down.

  “If I had my armor…” she muttered with venom.

  Yeah, the exoskeleton would make them equal strength, and she’d probably take him. Shaw loved his long-range rifle and Claudia was meaner and better in hand-to-hand combat.

  But this was a battle just between them—no rifles, no carbines, no armor.

  “I win,” he said.

  She made an angry noise in her throat and bucked her hips up.

  She almost unseated him, but he held on. The press of her long, toned body beneath his had the blood charging through his veins. His cock went as hard as rock.